As much as I want this blog to be a dignified treatise on Marketing, I was astonished at the runaway success of The Case for Drinking, a post which, in summary, covers Marketeers as social alcoholics. As much as it pains me to drag this blog down, Thanksgiving is hell for the monthly numbers so your faithful servant is here to deliver.
Drinking and the holidays go hand-in-bottle, and that’s because, in one of my brother’s greatest quotes: “I drink until the pain goes away”. Between shopping, business, social and family functions, end of quarter, and worse yet, end of year (you haven’t moved your calendar so Q4 ends in Jan? You poor bastard….) you’ve got a stress headache that delivers more pressure than a tray of Ex-Lax brownies (Post on World’s Greatest Holiday Pranks coming soon in the Ronin Marketeer riding the bicycle to hell series).
The best part of blogging is I can leave these absurd run-on sentences in. I just pray you understand whatever I’m typing.
Where was I?
Oh yes, the most venerable of holiday traditions – The Company Party. Success at the holiday party is actually incredibly simple – here’s the 6 steps:
- Always introduce spouses.
- Make the normal conversation with guests same as at the office.
- Thank the hosts (the organizers and the C-Level people or owners, principals, whatever you call the big kahunas.)
- Don’t Eat
- Don’t Drink
- And for the love of all that is holy, don’t dance.
Of course you won’t follow this list and that’s why we have HR departments. If you must drink, here are some tips. If you must eat, Jos. A. Bank makes a wonderful line of stain resistant clothing, that is all my wife allows me to wear.
If you have to dance at a corporate function it better be your job, otherwise I’ve got two words to describe your future career path: fry station.
In summary, sit back and enjoy a drink as you reflect on how much of your soul you traded this year. Remember that you can always buy chunks back with charitable donations, or better yet just doing some good.
Did I mention how much I like the holidays?