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Take this job

I’ve never written about it before, but I have a younger brother named Jason. He’s leaving his current job and heading into a new venture. He asked me to dig up this email because he couldn’t find it since it was written in 2004.

This was the first email I got from him as the prelude:

Sent: Friday, April 30, 2004 11:05 AM
To: Wall, John
Subject: Re: notice

The next message you receive will be an exact replica of that which I shared with the staff. Keep in mind, absolutely no one knew it was coming (and the boss just left for vacation).

J

Interest piqued, I checked out the next message in line. Here it is with names changed to protect both the innocent and the guilty.

Sent: Friday, April 30, 2004 11:07 AM
To: JWall@tibersoft.com
Subject: What I love about *Censored Company*

Jason’s all-time favorite things about *Censored Company*.

1. *Ms. M*’s homemade peanut butter cups.
2. Watching *Ms. S* give someone the finger (and really mean it). Priceless.
3. Working with *Ms. B*. She is without question one of the nicest people on the planet.
4. My Aeron chair (which I claimed before it was even cold :).
5. *Mr. N* inheriting my favorite projects. Hahahahahahahaha.
6. Because *Mr. J* truly is one of the coolest f-ing mofos at *Censored Company*.
7. *Ms. S*’s potential.
8. Listening to *Ms. Q* at my very first *Company* staff meeting.
9. Learning that *Mr.S* DNA truly is encoded with MBTI letter J.
10. Arguing with *Ms. P*.
11. The fact that *Ms. J* complains more than I do but yet somehow remains so darn cute.
12. My color printer at my fingertips.
13. *Ms. T* signing her e-mails Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I’ve researched this thoroughly with
HR and still can’t prove that it is (but it must be) harassment towards all male staff members.
14. The occasions when we actually *do our job function*.
15. The undeniable fact that *Ms. L* thinks I’m a total beefcake and has a crush on me.

Having said all of this, I’d like to share with everyone that in the aftermath of tax time, my wife and I are happy to have a reached a significant financial goal and we’ll both be leaving our jobs as of Friday May 14th. Step 1 will be a vacation. But don’t worry; I’ll be available for good-bye lunches and dinners as necessary. Oh, and the chair is already spoken for. Is that Johnny Paycheck I hear singing?

~Jason

The good news is that he was sending it around to his co-workers at his current job telling them that he is so happy to work with them because it was nothing like the place described above. Of course I discussed this with him prior to publishing it and I told him it would be made completely anonymous. He said: I’d be honored if you would, feel free to say it was “a department at a world at world famous Technology Institute in Massachusetts.”